


it is love we must hold onto (never easy, but we try)

by stellarisms



Series: 2020 Writing Challenge [5]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gift Giving, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22142239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarisms/pseuds/stellarisms
Summary: The best thing about pleasant surprises is knowing - for the rest of the day, the night to follow, and for however long the memory lasts - you can carry it wherever you go.Wherever the road leads.
Relationships: Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow, Lee Donghun/Park Junhee | Jun
Series: 2020 Writing Challenge [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588921
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	it is love we must hold onto (never easy, but we try)

**Author's Note:**

> musical inspiration: https://youtu.be/EAHzlJFPWLc & https://youtu.be/PFJS6yqd9ok (the song that makes * want to bawl his eyes out AKA dongjun's love song)

[0.]

Kindness makes the world go 'round.

Somebody believed in that, but Donghun doubts it was the same person who said those exact words.

He doubts the original author of the phrase meant for it to be  **this** open to interpretation.

Donghun liked to do this around this time of year, though. 

It's like a tradition now, no matter their (touring, performing...whatever) schedules.

Right after Christmas, right after the New Year's festivities took hold of all their remaining time--

Right about...now, actually.

Around the second week of January, Donghun liked to find little gifts to give to the other members.

Because it's after the holidays season, no one expects it.

Anyway, it's only the second year Donghun's been doing this. 

He doubts most of them (except for maybe,  _ maybe _ , Junhee) would remember him even doing this the year previous.

He has gift ideas, a specific order for delivery, and - per usual - the perfect gift for their lively leader already planned out.

* * *

(Kindness reciprocated or not, Donghun can't  _ wait _ to get started.)

* * *

[1.]

"Is it a new camera?"

"Uh, no? You shook it already...like I knew you would. Too light for that."

"True. Uh. It's not food, is it?"

"I wouldn't bother wrapping that, Channie. You being you, 'sides, you'd probably smell it through the box."

"Heh. Also true.”

Silence - that is, until Yuchan tries shaking it and putting the box up to his ear  _ again _ .

“Uh...is it a puppy?"

Donghun has half an urge to throttle him.

Like, he loves the maknae like a son, but  _ holy  _ **_hell_ ** .

"Chan...why would I put a puppy in a wrapped box with no air holes?"

Yuchan glares back at Donghun's eye-roll. 

"Hey, I don't know! You could've just put him in there! Wrapped it real quick 'n plopped him in here real quick...how would I know?"

Heaven help him.

Heaven help  _ them _ , for that matter.

"Channie, for the love of--" Donghun throws his hands in the air, albeit with absolute fondness. "Just. Open the damn box. Please."

Yuchan shrugs.

He does, however, vibrate with anticipation as he slowly pulls on the wound green ribbon. 

"Okaaaaaaay. Here goes…'' 

Donghun wiggles on the couch, watching and waiting for Yuchan to lift the lid.

And--

When he does--

"Oh _ hhhhh my god _ ,  _ hyung!! _ You  **didn't** \--!"

Yeah…

Yeah.

That pure elation on Yuchan's face is all Donghun needed to see at the end of a long week.

"I did." Donghun makes to get up from the couch, but stops when Yuchan comes barreling for him. "Whoa, whoa, slow down, lil' horsey…you're gonna drop it before you even get to play it!"

"I  _ love _ this! So much! Zelda? ZELDA! Holy shit, Donghunnie-hyungie, thank you so much! You know how much I love Legend of Zelda--!" 

Yuchan quite literally crashes into him - though not before carefully placing the game box on the side table drawer - and oh my god this guy is  _ way _ too heavy for Donghun to hold and scoop up in his arms like when he was a teenager. 

"I-- help? Help." Once Donghun coughs that out, Yuchan goes from lax koala to scrambling off of him.

"S-Sorry! Got so excited, I didn't...think about anything. Except how happy I was. Uh. Yeah. Sorry?"

"Relax, it's okay. It's fine," Donghun laughs, because it really was. "It's all good as long as you're happy."

"'Course I am! W-Who told you I got a Switch, though?" Yuchan looks suspicious. "It was when you went back home for a few days, and then we didn't have much free time after that, so...I haven't even unboxed the system yet…"

"Junhee may have mentioned a thing or two." Donghun laughs, more at Yuchan's (still) bewildered expression than Junhee's talkative nature. "I didn't say anything because I wanted this to be your Surprise Gift."

"Surprise is right! You really did that." 

Yuchan smiles from ear to ear when he wraps his arms around the oldest for a much less aggressive hug. 

"Thanks a million, Dong-hyungie. I know I give you a hard time sometimes, but. Y'know what? You really are my favorite hyung."

"Only sometimes?" Donghun strokes through Yuchan's hair, leaning into the hug while they sway in place. "Kidding. You're my favorite, too, Channie. Sometimes. And by sometimes, I definitely mean always."

"I know, hyung." Yuchan titters, lifting Donghun ever so slightly (much to his - verbalized - chagrin) off the floor. "Love you too!"

For all his chagrin, Donghun still lets the maknae spin him around. 

Just for today.

* * *

After all, today was Yuchan's day to be surprised-- and, from that reaction, Donghun knows he succeeded.

* * *

Last year, Donghun went with a physical gift for their second-youngest.

At the time, he had a good idea of what Byeongkwan wanted.

Byeongkwan  _ loved _ his boots - so much, he still wears them whenever he can.

But this year?

Donghun decides to do something a little different for Byeongkwan's 'gift' this year.

"...Are you sure?" Byeongkwan's hands shake as they take hold of the outstretched bottle. "Like...I'm not gonna mess something up and you're gonna get pissed at me, right? Nothing like that?"

"Would I really let you do this," retorts Donghun, turning his gaze from his laptop screen to Byeongkwan's catlike stare, "if I didn't trust you'd do a good job?"

Byeongkwan blinks fast.

Shortly after that, Byeongkwan  _ preens _ .

"Awwwww, hyung! You know I will." The redhead's chin tilts skyward in a dramatic confidence show. "I'm an expert at nail polish application! And nail sticker art! Nail stuff in general, you can count on me~"

"So Sehyoonie says," Donghun quips, low chuckle and wan grin as faint as the lo-fi playlist he's chosen for background music. "I trust him, so I have to trust you, don't I?"

"Of course." Byeongkwan settles back on his haunches, finished coating the miniature brush with blue polish. "OK! Less talking, more nail polish...ing? Nail polishing."

"Whatever you say…" Donghun isn't sure if Byeongkwan hears him, because all he gets is a non-committal hum.

Byeongkwan is. An odd one, for sure.

He cycles in between interests - and, sometimes, returns to old ones - with the same energy as an oscillating fan.

He also has a passion - no better way to describe it than that - for sharing in his love for fashion with the artistic Donghun.

Donghun, for his part, wishes (t)he(y) had all the time in the  _ world _ to indulge him in that, because Byeongkwan has quite the talent for color coordination and styling.

"Let me know if I'm holding your hand too tight, 'kay?" Byeongkwan speaks into the relative quiet, eyes never leaving Donghun's nails as he works. "I left marks on 'Yoonie once or twice 'cause I don't know my own strength...and it's his own fault, 'cause he never says a damn thing."

_ It's because he's too busy staring and being lovestruck over your dumb face _ , Donghun thinks. 

He doesn't dare say it aloud, though. 

(He loves them both like the siblings he never had, but good  _ god _ they are so maddeningly. Oblivious. 

Even that doesn't describe how many ways in which they've been a walking rom-com couple for years without resolution.

He has half a mind to intervene - until he remembers how long it took him and Junhee to get their acts together and how Yuchan managed to get them to acknowledge it and…

Yeah. 

No. 

Too much not-his-business and  **way** more likely to end in success if Yuchan finally snaps one day and does the job.)

"First coat almost finished! Now...gold or silver...either'd look good on your skin tone, probably..." 

It's like. Monologuing.  Like Byeongkwan's craving acknowledgement, in an indirect way, and the way his lips purse when he glances at Donghun.

Wait. 

_ Was _ he asking Donghun or asking himself?

"Hey." Donghun thinks what he says next will confirm it, but Byeongkwan's next question throws him for a loop: "Can I ask you somethin'? While we're here? About...you 'n Jun-hyung. How did you, uh, figure out you weren't just projecting on him and that he really seriously liked you back?"

...Are we  **_serious_ ** .

"I'm starting to think you're a mind-reader. What the hell." Donghun almost flings himself back onto the pillows, 'till he remembers Byeongkwan wants to add more embellishments on the drying blue. "You're talking about Sehyoon, aren't you?"

"N--" 

Except - when Donghun gives him a pointed stare - Byeongkwan clamps his mouth shut. Breathes out through his nose for a second. Like he's angry.

He's not, because he looks far more exhausted when words come stumbling out of his lips.

"It's not...really his fault, is it? I'm always...afraid I'm getting ahead of myself. Or if I'm making him feel bad instead of jealous when I get cozy with everybody else. Or imagining that he's looking put out when I tease him too much. Or...when I'm saying something cheesy to Choice and he looks at me and laughs like I told the greatest joke ever, or--"

"Byeongkwannie." Donghun doesn't use an authoritative voice often, because he's so used to Junhee using it. But today, on this rainy Thursday indoors, he uses it to state the obvious. "You really,  **_really_ ** have no idea how much he adores you, do you?"

Byeongkwan's fingers pause, a hair's breadth away from the gold polish bottle.

"No. I don't," Byeongkwan mumbles, with a smile that's one-half grimace and one-half resolution. "But maybe, Hunnie-hyung, you got me thinkin'...I should finish doing your nails and go talk to him and find out."

* * *

(Donghun can only hope - unlike the state of his nails, because he knows that'll be just fine - that Byeongkwan will follow through.)

* * *

[3.]

"...Well, this is new." Junhee inspects the sparkling top coat and tiny 'constellations' with an approving nod. "Your cuticles look extra pretty, too. Compliments to your manicurist."

"You can tell Byeongkwan how much you like his handiwork tomorrow." Donghun beams. "He'll be busy for the rest of the night, I think. 'Gathering courage' for a 'midnight confession,' he says."

"A what--  _ oh. _ For real?!" Junhee brings a hand up to his wide-open mouth. "What brought this on? Better yet, what did you say to him? Because I know you must've said  **something** ."

"Gee, thanks." Donghun pretends to be offended. Junhee takes hold of his sleeve and pulls, a gesture which Donghun pretends to be softened by (spoiler alert: he is). "All I remember saying before he went back to painting my nails and we jumped on a totally different subject is that I hope he trusts his heart over everything else."

"That's very good advice," Junhee smiles, head settling in the crook Donghun's shoulder. "Advice we could've probably used."

"Yeah," Donghun snorts. "Is this before or after Channie locked us in the bathroom and refused to let us out until we 'made up or made out, whichever came first'?"

"Before would have been nice," Junhee's laugh is more bark than bite. "But afterward is helpful, too. Helps to follow your heart, in any case."

"In Byeongkwan's and Sehyoon's case? For sure." Donghun watches Junhee's eyes droop, plants little dry pecks to his lover's smiling lips. "Sleepy already? I thought you wanted to stay up with me some more. Unless you don't want to be up when BK comes busting through the door and tells us a novel-length account of how amazing his night out with his new boyfriend went."

"Nooo, I mean, yes, yes, I do, but--" Junhee can't seem to stop smiling tonight, leaning in for all of Donghun's little kisses - now migrating from lips to jawline - while simultaneously arching into the touches sneaking underneath his shirt to, finally, come to rest on his lower back. "You're a menace. Ugh. I can't concentrate let alone  _ think _ when you pull shit like that."

"Don't worry about concentrating," Donghun tells him, brightly, like his fingers aren't dancing further down his spine. "I'll concentrating for you, you can just...relax. You're sleepy, so think of it as me helping you relax."

"You," Junhee's protest catches in his throat, as soon as Donghun's mouth brushes over his clavicle and threatens to  **_bite_ ** , "are not helping me relax in any way, shape, or form. Donghun. DongDong.  _ Donghunnie _ ." 

" _ Yes _ , my Lovely Leader Junhee?" A drawl on the end of every word, Donghun is already unbuttoning Junhee's pajama shirt. Hasn't stopped leaving kisses on every patch of bare skin he can get his mouth on, either.

Junhee, at last, huffs out a giggle.

It's so like Junhee, too, to laugh while Donghun is trying every which way to get his clothes off.

"Is your Surprise Gift for me for the New Year," Junhee shudders, breathless laugh fading into a startled gasp when Donghun's palms find their way to the swell of his ass and  _ squeeze _ , "something you intend to give to me before the year's up?"

Donghun's grin - when he pulls back to admire how pretty and pliant Junhee is, lying underneath him like there's nowhere else he'd rather be - is all teeth bared.

"Oh, you'll get what's coming to you before morning, babe. Because - surprise! - I'm your present." Donghun thinks its a personal record he's broken, how fast Junhee blushes from his chin to his ears. "And I'm all yours, anyway. As always…"

"A...Ah. Oh. Wow. Well--"

"You know...that's your cue to flip me over, Junnie. Aaaanytime n--  _ ahh _ **_h_ ** \--"

"--Time to open my present, then!"

* * *

(The best presents don't have a price tag attached, Donghun knows - and learned, time and again, after being with Junhee this long, nothing is better than the genuine  _ thank you _ after a gift is received.

In this case with Junhee, he gets that thank you in the form of Afters - countless gentle kisses in the afterglow, being cleaned in a hastily-drawn bubble bath in the aftermath, and drifting off after that into pleasant dreams to the lilting sound of his beloved's voice.

Donghun loves giving gifts and receiving something unexpected in return - because  **that's** the gift that keeps on giving.)

* * *

[4.]

Sehyoon is only quiet in some settings - and only for so long.

It's a fact, something most Choice and the members discover about him over time.

Donghun knows, because several days after he gives Byeongkwan the gift of time, Sehyoon is the next to open up to him.

It starts - or, rather, ends - with a karaoke outing, of all things.

All because that's what Sehyoon wanted to do as King For The Day.

"Hey, hyung. Whenever we retire from A.C.E, where do you think we'll all end up?" 

Sehyoon asks heavy questions like this like they're weighless. 

Like they were discussing the weather and he began to wonder if tomorrow would call for rain.

Like it wasn't a sad, faraway possibility that Donghun spent far too many sleepless nights imagining.

"Sehni." Deflecting, Donghun decides, is the best way to handle the topic. "Are you planning on eloping?"

"What--  _ no _ ! Hyung, that's. Isn't that, uh, probably illegal?" 

"Probably? Uhhhhhh, I have no clue? Also  _ why are we even arguing about this _ ?!"

"An-y-way...I'm not eloping, hyung!" Sehyoon grumbles. "You're avoiding my question, besides. I'm not asking because I've got plans to go anywhere, I'm seriously asking. Because I'm curious. so...please? I've been thinking about it and I wanna know..."

Well.

That was surprisingly straightforward.

Very like Sehyoon, too, to be honest when he's in a one-on-one conversation.

(Donghun wonders - because he still hasn't sat down with Byeongkwan and heard the story in its entirety - if this is how Sehyoon confessed to Byeongkwan this weekend.)

"I think--" Donghun exhales, wanting to choose his words carefully. "--We'll be able to go our separate ways professionally and still meet like this when we have free time. Just like we used to do before debut. Or when Channie was with UNB. It was hard, sure, but if we did it then…"

"...We'll be okay. Wherever we go, whatever comes next." 

Sehyoon finishes the thought for him, picking up his mic. Wet eyes, dry cheeks, and wry smile. 

(Such a soft-hearted handsome guy, and yet--)

He reaches for the song book with his free hand, pushing it to Donghun's side. 

"Pick a ballad for me, please? I might do over and record it, if it's a good range for me. If not for fancafé, then for the groupchat. Or for the memories." Sehyoon stretches, and - suddenly - he looks better than sober. "I'm feeling...for 'whatever comes next' _ ready _ ." 

(Donghun swears they  **must've** been related in a past life.

Because no one reminds Donghun more of the better parts of himself than Kim Sehyoon.)

"Same here." Donghun grabs a handful of chips in one hand, on his way to grab the remote. "In the famous words a wise man once said--"

"'Let's get this bread'?"

"...Bet!" Donghun howls, hitting a few keys to start the song. "I was thinking 'Keep going 'til you hit a dead end,' but that totally works too! We'll go with that."

* * *

(Donghun loves this family he's found more than anything, holy hell.

He doesn't even want to  **_dream_ ** about how much it'll hurt when it's all over.

But as long as the path stretches on for the five of them, he won't stop walking forward knowing the rest are within arm's reach.)

* * *

Maybe it was that conversation that got him feeling a certain type of way by the next weekend.

Maybe that conversation - along with all the others that came along with his Surprise Gifts - was a sign.

A sign for what would be - for the unsuspecting Donghun - the biggest Surprise of all.

* * *

"Ugh. Okay, so...can I take it off now?"

"Nooooope." Byeongkwan drones. "Not yet…"

He waits for another few seconds of being herded into the great unknown, Yuchan's staccato footfalls trailing behind their heavier combined steps.

"Now?"

"Noooooooooo," whines Byeongkwan. If Donghun's hands weren't being held together behind his back (because - according to Yuchan - they had to ensure he wouldn't feel his way around 'like a bat') by their youngest rapper's surprisingly strong grip. "You caaaaaan't! No peeking, no touching  **anything** ! Junnie-hyung said--"

...Ohhh.

So this was all part of Junhee's latest scheme.

"Uh. Kwannie-hyung?" Yuchan just has to add fuel to the fire, apparently. "You know we only blindfolded him, not plugged his ears too, right?"

"T-Tell me something I don't know, Byeongkwan sputters, "you...you...Cereal-for-brains!" 

Donghun  _ has _ to laugh at that.

"Are you on a no-swearing ban, or is that the most creative insult you can come up with on short notice?" Donghun lets out a roaring laugh, attempting to skip-trot away down the corridor until he trips and gets shoved forward - by Byeongkwan, based on how faraway Yuchan's laughter is. "What th' hell-- is that how you treat someone who played cupid for you and your boyfriend?!" 

"No swears out loud equals more money in the betting pool. Long story, Yoon-bear's idea, but you know I'm always up for a challenge." Donghun doesn't doubt that, knowing Sehyoon's competitive side. "Also, reach out your left hand for the doorknob."

...Huh?

"Grab the doorknob, Donghunnie-hyung!" Yuchan must've caught up to them. "He's here, guys!"

"Knock, knock~" Byeongkwan yells at top volume; the strong reverb gives Donghun a clue-- their company building? "We're heeeeeeeere!"

Donghun  _ does _ find the handle, after some minor fumbling.

(Dammit, Yuchan, don't laugh at the blindfolded man's struggles.)

"Hi, baby." Junhee's voice echoes pleasant through what sounds like...the dance studio? "Come over and see what we brought you...you can take the blindfold off anytime, by the way!"

_ 'What we brought you'? _

_ Don't you mean where I was dragged, driven, and delivered to…? _

At length, Donghun removes the tied...tie (?? Byeongkwan's choice, he deduces with a shake of his head…), adjusts to the fluorescent light assaulting in his eyes, and he sees--

Wow.

Wow-- 

No, wait, not just him. Though him, too. 

Sehyoon sat in the middle of their dance studio decorated with streamers and fairy lights and chairs lined up along the walls…

Everywhere you looked, the floor was scattered with multi-colored balloons…and sparkling confetti...

And sitting beside the helium tank, sitting on the furthest side of the room from where he stood, wearing a dark blue suit set that looked more like a prince's garb, moving to stand beside the largest teddy bear Donghun's ever seen is--

"Park Junhee." Donghun feels his vision begin to blur with tears when he realizes,  **finally** , what today is. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." 

_ This is… _

_ Is this really what I think it is? _

_ All this for our--? _

Somewhere behind him, the studio door slams shut.

"Whoops," he hears Yuchan yelp, over his heartbeat drumming in his ears. "Sorry! My bad."

Byeongkwan cackles.

Over the sound of a familiar song, fading in from the speakers overhead.

Over the stage-whispers of Sehyoon and Byeongkwan, huddled close together in a flash over their sea of balloons, both smiling like they were presenting a grand prize acceptance speech.

"When have I  _ ever _ ?" Standing to full height, Junhee hasn't looked this regal, this shiny-eyed, or this nervous since the day they stood on that hotel balcony landing in Berlin and Junhee had wiped his face clean and took hold of his trembling hands and kissed them. "Better question: when it comes time for our anniversary, who is it that usually forgets the date of?"

The way that Junhee's smiling, so reminiscent of that February night…

The fact that this song, this  **exact** song, was what they heard from the streets down below when Donghun was finally coming back to his senses after a real bad panic attack…

The fact that, right now, Junhee was walking over to take hold of his hand and brushing lips over knuckles,  _ just like that night-- _

Dammit--

Donghun shouldn't get all choked up over this.

"It's not selfish to pay more attention to your heart than your head, Lee Donghun." But-- it's too late, isn't it? Because now that everything's come back to the(ir) start, the dam's been broken...the hiccupping sobs won't  **_stop_ ** . "It's okay to think of yourself for a change. And if you forget…I'll be here to remind you every single day that you're loved by somebody."

That same somebody, Donghun dimly recognizes, wraps his arms around the older and doesn't let go.

Even while Donghun's begun to soak his fancy dress shirt with how much and how hard he's crying.

Even when the others all gather 'round to make it a group hug: Yuchan toppling into Donghun from behind, Byeongkwan 'aww'-ing and slipping in to koala-cling to his left side, Sehyoon trying to cover, squeeze in close, and hover over them all.

Even when Donghun falls quiet, sinks into the collective comfort of all their soothing tones and the familiar warmth eases off of him--

Junhee refuses to let go of his hand.

* * *

To have, to hold, forever? 

Maybe yes, maybe no.

But the best thing about pleasant surprises is knowing - for the rest of the day, the night to follow, and for however long the memory lasts - you can carry it wherever you go.

Wherever the road leads.

* * *

(Donghun is ready for anything - especially now that he's been reminded that kindness given is always kindness returned.)

  
  



End file.
